cynical

I, for one do not think that death is the only punishment severe enough for a person who takes the life of another. I believe in a more severe punishment. I believe that living a life of repentance, a life where innocent lives, which were cut short by a murderer, would haunt him, would be a greater punishment. I believe that a person who killed another in self-defense, in helplessness deserves another chance to live, may it be in a prison cell or a rehabilitation center. I believe that death is the easy way out for a person who committed a heinous crime so I view the chance to live as a fitter punishment.

What drives a person to take the life of another? Listen to them and you will find out many more reasons than a paradoxical ‘purely evil’ mind. A woman about to be raped may kill her attacker. A person kills another motivated by anger or revenge. Not all murderers plot and plan to kill nor do all of them kill for money. The act of taking the life of another places them all in the category of murderers but the common punishment of death cannot be applied to all of them if you examine their motives for murder.

Recently we heard about a young boy who was playing with a kitten at school and horrified the other children by suddenly killing the kitten for no apparent reason. If this mentally disturbed child did this while no one was watching, nobody would have known his sadism. It is such people who grow up to become psychopaths, sociopaths and serial killers. When you witness or hear of the murders they commit you feel that they deserve to die but once again I ask, “do they deserve to die?” It has been discovered that they kill because of a mental imbalance and therefore I think that a prison sentence as well as rehabilitation is the answer for such people. As for those who kill for money or with a plan and an evil motive, the most severe punishment is to suffer by living to the end of their days and repenting what they did, every passing second.

Another reason why I believe that death is not the most severe punishment for one who takes the life of another, is because history shows occasions when innocent men were convicted of murder. David Shepherd, an Afro Amrican, was found guilty of raping and murdering a woman. It was only after twenty two years in prison during which the prime of his life was wasted, that DNA tests proved him innocent and he was granted freedom. I believe that if such a man was put to death, that injustice could never be reversed.

If I kill someone who was trying to harm me, or anyone else for that matter, I’d want to live because my conscience would still be clear. I’m Buddhist and as a religion as well as a philosophy, Buddhism teaches the importance of forgiveness. Lord Buddha forgave his would be murderer, Devadatta Thero. In Buddhism it was not meant as a punishment but I apply this same philosophy to my argument when I say that death is not the only punishment severe enough for a murderer. It is easy for me to say this because I have not gone through the ordeal of losing someone through murder. Nevertheless, I believe in a second chance.

Each murderer has his or her own motive for murder and thus many do end up with a guilty conscience. The Green River killer in America is a notorious murderer who killed at least forty-eight young women. Not only did he kill them, he concealed their bodies in the Green River riverbank and returned to seduce those dead bodies. This clearly disturbed man has a wife and a child at home and as I watched his trial on television I seethed with anger and wanted him to die. But one incident during the trial forever changed my perspective on capital punishment. It was obvious that the murderer’s guilt was gradually increasing, as most of the victims’ loved ones spoke to him at the trial. Then one day, an old man whose daughter was killed by this murderer fifteen years ago, told him that h forgives him, (the murderer) because that was the most sever punishment he could give him. The words were proved true because it was at this point that the murderer completely let his guard down and openly wept. I think that if death was his punishment, he would never have thought about or repented what he did. Now, he’s serving consecutive life sentences, which I believe is the most severe punishment he could receive.

Therefore I believe that living a life of repentance is the utmost punishment a murderer should receive and I strongly disagree with the idea that death is the only punishment severe enough for a person who takes the life of another.

For the last half hour I’ve been trying to focus and do some productive reading but it doesn’t seem to work so here I am, typing away to glory.

Earlier I spoke of my current identity crisis. Does your outward appearance also count when you think of your identity? After my AL’s I felt the need for a change in my life and given that it’s easier to change your appearance, I went for that. I cut my hair, switched from specs to contacts, made some changes to my wardrobe, re-painted my room (the cupboards are black and it’s gorgeous, I love it so much I just HAD to say that ), bought a new phone, etc.

It didn’t necessarily give me a new identity but it made me feel that a new phase in my life had begun after the exam. And that was important to me because I’m the kind of person who needs a catalyst of some form to keep moving on and the “turned a new leaf” feeling will hopefully help me survive the next four or five years.

Call me weird but painting my room was actually symbolic to me for many reasons. It used to be purple, my former favourite colour. Gradually I started hating it and changing it to my now favourite colour, black, meant to me that I was done with a certain stage of my life. Also there were so many memories of a certain relationship, which had to be erased from that room because those memories kept haunting me to the point of depression. There was poetry that I wrote on the walls and the cupboards on impulse and those were covered in black and white with relish. Some of the times spent in my room were the happiest of my life for a while but they weren’t meant to be that way forever and they transformed themselves into the bitterest memories of my life. So painting my room was important to me. (You could call it a method of escapism as well I suppose)

I’m in the studying mood again so will complete this later.

I read on the paper today that a new orchid has been named after CBK ;“ Madam Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunga” (that’s the actual name). Is it just me or are there any other people who think that it is a bit unusual for a flower to be called Madam.

After reading the first part of Sylvia’s (we are on first name basis now!!) biography I came to the conclusion that she must have mildly suffered from the Electra Complex.Not as far as “penis-envy” but still she showed symptoms of the complex. Then when I checked it up online I found out that it is an opinion already in discussion. So now I’m trying to figure out if it was just a good assumption or whether I had known it before and it had been buried in my sub-concious till now. I’d rather go with the former.

I’m nineteen years old.I’ve got good A/L results and therefore my life is supposed to be full of possibilities. But I’m sorry to say that at the moment I don’t see any possibilities at all.I’m caught in a labyrinth and can’t find the way out.
I blame the “system” for this confusion I feel. It gives you no breathing space, no time to take a break after an exam,to try various things and then decide on what you are passionate about,what you want to do for the rest of your life.The world we live in is far too competitive for such things and “survival of the fittest” (or in this case, the most focused) is the rule we live by.
So you put your whole life and future at stake and move towards one goal.This goal could be your own choice but in most cases it is something that abides by the stereotype norms of society.
If you like the path you chose, good for you. If you love it, even better. If you hate it, too bad, it’s too late to start all over again.
But then again, maybe it’s not the system. Maybe it’s me.To be honest, I’m not brave enough to take one year off and see where it takes me.Part of me wants to break away from the system but the other part seems to be afraid of something. Rejection is the closest I can come to.
Either way, I have a feeling that I’m going to waste the best years of my life if I confine myself to one goal so now I’m concentrating on doing my best to branch out to other fields while I continue my higher studies.For now, I cannot tell how successful it will be but I’m sure I will gain something out of it,even if it is the mere experience.

Usually when I read a few poems by the same poet, I manage to derive some sort of idea as to what kind of a person the poet is or was. On the contrary, in the case of Sylvia Plath, you need to know about her and understand her life, if you want to, at the least, marginally comprehend her poetry. So I have temporarily given up reading her poetry and instead have started on her biography. And then I plan to read some of her diaries, especially the ones she wrote during the last period of her life. After that, I should hopefully be able to understand what she was trying to say.

Any fans of Gavin Degraw out there??I would like to hear your opinion on his music.

I’m trying to come to terms with who I really am and it’s bloody hard work. I’ve come to those fatal crossroads in my life and it feels as if whatever decision I make is going to ruin me for good. It’s a very scary thought. I see some of my friends so focused on what they want to do and wonder if it’s something ‘radically wrong’ with me.

I wish I’m still 12 cos recetly i found an essay i had written when i was 12 where I had firmly and confidently stated that I’m going to study very hard and become a doctor. It is somewhere down the line from 12 to 15 that this straightforward,NORMAL ambition was replaced by the urge to do something different. When I look at all the stereotypes around me I’m glad I changed my mind but then again, now I don’t know what the fuck i’m supposed to do.

And my identity crisis is not just about what kind of a career i want. It’s also about the kind of person I am right now and about how i want to develop as a person.

I’m a night owl so it’s from about 11pm to about 3 in the morning that I go through my self analysis. I write down my thoughts,read stuff I’ve written before and try to come to terms with who I am.But i never can. So far the only conclusion I’ve come to is that I suffer from MPD. I guess it all depends on what kind of mood I am in because most of my opinions seem to contradict each other from time to time and make me sound like a hypocrite.

Expect the sequel to this post pretty soon.

Given that this is my first post i’m not going to write on anything specific.I got the idea of creating my own blog after i saw one of my friends’ blog. It seemed like a good way to give vent to my cynicism.Frustration surfaces every once in a while and fortunately or unfortunately my creativity always kicks in at the same time so most of my work ends up being cynical.So this blog is going to almost always reflect the cynical being hidden inside my ‘happy go lucky’ front.I have a feeling that my entries will surprise most of my friends and acquaintances who have no insight to my ‘evil’ side.hehe.(except the ones who have tolerated,loved and known me for who i really am,which, let me assure you, is a very difficult feat to accomplish so not many fall into that category) Anyway to sum it all up, this is one place i’m planning to be ME so all constructive as well as destructive criticism is welcome.